What do you really want from them?

Hello there!

Today’s topic is all about facing our real self. As if there was another way around in Life, hehehe.

Since we were born, we’ve been conditioned to be, think, and behave a certain way. Once we start awaken from this reality, the veil is lifted, and we start engaging with ourselves and the world around us in a different way. We develop better habits, behaviours and ways of thinking. We change our diet, we spend time on our own, being disinterested by what other people do around us, because we have better things to learn and do: becoming our best self. We carry on with that development, then we become a bit more open, and start going out again. We’ve gone far in our growth, we’ve done the exercises, the meditations, cut off social media.

We speak to ourselves in a friendlier manner, and we feel a bit more compassion for those around us.

And then The Universe sends an person as a stepping stone, to see whether or not we’ve stepped our game up.

When we interact with them, we feel good, the positive energy is there. The interaction goes smoothly, we’ve been socializing with them, happy to have taken ourselves out, having a good time. On our end, we are just being ourselves, with a laid-back attitude, friendly, positive, open. This person might not have a clue of all the hard work we’ve been doing for so long.

Then they tell us what they want from us. Because everybody wants something, right? Maybe they want a friendship, maybe they want a romantic relationship, or a one off? Maybe then don’t even know what they want, because they’ve been wandering in their shadow by constantly hanging out with people to avoid looking at their stuff.

When we’ve spent a bit of time with someone and we like the person, we might also be head over heels for them, especially if it has been ages since we’ve interacted with other people due to our personal mission. We might get a bit confused, not really knowing where this would go. Chemicals in our brain and hormones in action, our old ways might be resurfacing. We tend to cross off our thoughts, praying that it will lead us whenever it needs to. This is our old way of being coming up to the surface.

Sometimes, our old ways tend to get back unannounced. That’s the test. The real question here, is not what do these people want. It is: What do we want from them?

We’re genuinely here, spending some of our precious time with this guy, or this girl, so what do we want? Our ego wants to make us believe that we want a genuine connection. But if we look deeper, what do we want? What do we get from them?

Ask yourself the question honestly. Without any positive affirmation or bullshit stuff such as “we are all whole and complete.”

Because we do want something from them, that’s for sure. One of the main causes of regression, if I may say so, is to take stuff for granted. When we’ve done the work and hustled through our dark stuff, we breathe at the surface and we think we’ve arrived back home. But hey, I’m not Buddha, neither are you, and neither is the person before you. And answering this question is a hard one, because we’ll see, if we are truthful to ourselves, if we keep applying the work when we are around real, 3D human beings, who, by the way, are not all acting in all of our best interests.

Most people are not bad people; most people will act according to their own needs and wants. Same as us. So what do we want from them? Do we want a genuine connection, to develop a friendship, an intimate relationship, have a one night stand? Or are we looking at feeling superior, needed, or getting validation from them?

“Come on, Caroline, this is not spiritual.” Well, no one says it is or it isn’t, that’s everyone’s own beliefs that are at play here. We are our own judge and we decide to bang the gavel to condemn ourselves or not. Up to us.

You see, once we start growing, the trap is to be crystal clear with our intentions. To embody this new person that seems a bit wobbly in their new presence, in their beingness. But we must stand our ground.

I’m not saying that every single interaction must be thought through, but we must have the intention within ourselves, to be clear and to have clarity, in everything we do. We must ask ourselves what do we wish to get from them. It’s convenient to say that we love everybody and everything, but it takes balls to actually affirm and speak our Truth, even if it is ugly, not spiritual, or something we’re not proud of. We have to be practical in our approach, instead of meditating and waiting for the answer to show up, or to wait for a sign from The Universe.

This consistency of intention, is the key to our beingness. This is the key to our freedom, our peace. The big questions of “What do I want? What do I get?” must be asked many times during the day. By doing so, we shed a light on our real intention with somebody. And it prevents us from harming them, or the other way around.

Many people just throw themselves in relationships, saying that they have a good feeling about someone, and that they should go with the flow. But our “good vibe” indicator is usually based on past traumas that keep attracting the wrong people. When we rewire our nervous system, we rewire what feels safe for us at that moment The people who seemed boring before, now feel safe. The people who seemed exciting, now feel dangerous. And by the way, our intuition always guides us towards the greater lesson our soul needs to learn, not towards a perfect relationship or The One. Le’ts be pragmatic here and look at the bigger picture.

The big question then is “Should I have a pure, disinterested intention?” Well, it’s up to you, what you value and where you wish to go. If we decide to behave like assholes, we must ensure that we know the consequences. If we decide to build long-term, healthy, clear relationships, we must maybe avoid people who do not have emotional intelligence and clarity in their Life.

The basic knowledge of “every action has consequences” is no BS. Our healing is not fixed after the breakthrough we had with our therapist. It is not fixed after our 1H morning meditation, our 45min yoga class at lunchtime, or after work when colleagues wanna celebrate the end of the week and get trashed. Healing is a lifetime affair. Healing is a lifestyle. When we care about ourselves, when we really care about who we wish to become/are becoming, and live a long Life, we care about everything. What do we really want from them?

We are the only one able to provide ourselves love, approval, peace. It’s not on the outside. We gotta create that from within. And it starts with being honest with ourselves when we try to give this job to contractors to do it for us, in the shape of this hot guy online, or this lovely friend of us who nods harmoniously to everything we say. Once we stop putting our worth and validation, and decisions into other people’s arms, that’s when the real game begins. And so is our Life.

With love and gratitude,

Caroline

© Caroline Caanl 2025. All rights reserved.