The way forward is backwards

Howdy! It’s been a few long months of silence on this blog, and it has been for a simple reason: I did not have time. Add awkward timely cough right here. Well, the real reason is, I did not make time for this blog, because I was busy with other things. I get a lot of joy writing this blog, and my goal while doing so is to

1. Express my creativity through writing

2. Bring value to people

3. Put myself out there

Because I did not write for a few months, I kind of beat myself up, that I SHOULD do it. I should write every day, and have awesome blog ideas and content. But the truth is, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. Now coming up with the excuses, I went on vacay a bit and caught up with family, and got busy with work. Some days being out and about for 13 hours straight. Alright, alright, not an excuse. I can sniff all the hustlers out there, who, if they read this, will tell me that there is no excuses to have, and that I should have written an article EVERY.SINGLE.DAY like I promised myself in the beginning.

But I realised something: force does not go well with me. Apart from the fact that I’m a Pisces and that I spend most of my time in the stars somewhere, I do not function like that. I used to, and it used to drain the s**t out of me.

There is a distinction to make between having healthy, constructive habits, and forcing yourself to do something for the wrong reasons. It all depends how we function. Some people might tell you that they punish themselves with no food and distraction in a blank room in the middle of the forest, in order to find ideas and to get creativity rolling. I don’t believe in that. The more I prime myself to create a piece of art and unbelievably awesome content, the more resistance I create within myself, trying to be someone I’m not and creating something that is not within my reach at this precise moment.

In my case, writing a post every single day is sometimes not possible, because I simply don’t have the time or energy for it. I told myself I would do it just to get into the momentum, and to gain muscle memory. Which worked, for a month. But I started to resent writing a blog (I know, after one month, what a wonderful story of resilience) because on top of my job and my Life, it was too much.

Now that I’m in a much lighter space through awareness of the situation, I have decided not to take the foot off the pedal, but to get back to it with a different energy. That of expressing my creativity with ease. I have deciding to stick to the constructive habit of writing at least 3 times a week, and if I decide to write more some weeks, I will do it.

I think creativity comes when we feel relaxed with ourselves and our Life, and when we expect it the less. For example, I get inspired when I drive, or when I meditate, or when I exercise. How convenient it is to scribble some awesome idea on a piece of paper right in the middle of a dolphin pose, you tell me. But this is how it works within me.

Many times in Life, we believe that once we acquire a skill or a habit, things will only go up. But this is just a story of the mind, that is so used to analyzing everything to make sure we’re safe.

Life, Flow, happen like a wave. Up and down. Upwards and Downwards. Forward and Backwards. This is evolution. This is how it works. There cannot possibly be an evolution if things constantly remain the same, meaning always up. Everything that goes up has to come down, and vice versa.

While our mind feels like it’s doing Space Mountain at Disney World and starts sticking its nails into our neighbour’s forearm, our soul knows that we are just right where we are supposed to, and that it is necessary for us to welcome what we judge as ups and downs. This is all part of the process.

In my case, without the up of writing every day, I would have not been able to experience the down of not writing at all, and would have not had the realization that I was missing writing and expressing myself through this medium. Feeling the ups and downs of Life is a mandatory procedure, to enable them to wash us off without damage. Letting them pass by, noticing them, and deciding whether or not this is what we wish for ourselves and our Life. If that’s all it takes, I’m all in for it.

With love and gratitude,

Caroline.

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